Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-35284508-20180417160128/@comment-35243530-20180419034627

Lola, I hope you got my little message when you first started suffering. I, too, know what RL problems can be like at their worst. I was effectively a single parent for my son’s entire life. He married a girl I thought was my friend. We used to meet for coffee and such, and we kept in touch when they split up for a year before getting back together. My son was still in love with her and I was the only one who held the opinion they would get back together. Despite the fact that she thanked me for my never ending support at their Jack & Jill, she became frosty when their first child was born. I’ve never been allowed to babysit my granddaughter and rarely see her because my son isn’t allowed to bring her to my home alone and I feel really unwelcome in theirs. They take her parents up to MY cottage for a week every year (or did; that stops this year after the condition they left it in last year!). I’ve seen my granddaughter there only half a day in four years. I rarely even see my son because his wife pitches a fit every time he plans to see me. She finds reasons why he can’t go. Thank God I see my grandson at least - he’s my (step) daughter’s son. Oddly enough she hated me for years after her Dad & I finally moved in together. But when she hit adulthood we really bonded and she came to depend on me for certain things. Now she’d much rather spend time with us than her mother! Life can be funny that way. Anyway, I know my son will regret keeping me at a distance. And when my father passed away in October I finally blew up at my daughter-in-law, not that the effects lasted. She would call my sister as a way of getting around me. With my sister’s support I told her she couldn’t do that any more; she needed to speak to me directly, and only me. After all, she was the wife of MY son, not my sister’s. By the way, I also wrote atom of business letters in another life - until my back pain became too much for me to work at the office, despite some concessions. I’m still holding out hope to work at home, but... Oh, who am I kidding? Only special people are allowed that privilege!! I’m too much of an individual! I’m

I pray that Christie will get better news than she’s expecting and that her son wises up before he lives to regret it. And I believe he will! I already regret not seeing more of my parents when my Dad was living, but my mother has a way of picking on me that kept me away. I know that she’s ill (she has dementia - could be Alzheimer’s, but my doctor says that can’t be diagnosed for certain until autopsy), but it can still be extremely hurtful. For example, she wouldn’t allow me to sit at my father’s bedside when he was dying. She didn’t want to sit there, she just didn’t want me there. I’m trying really hard not to argue with her now that Dad’s gone. I don’t expect she will follow him any time soon, but she’s the only parent I have left... Leaving a letter for your son, Christie, will either help him get through it, in the event that you do pass before reconciling, or make the guilt much worse. It all depends on what you say in the letter and what his mental state is. That said, over the course of time, even if it makes the guilt worse when he reads it, it will free him eventually. Equally important, I don’t know what your feelings are about alternative treatments, but I’m going to enclose a link to an article about a woman who beat lung cancer in, if I recall correctly, four months. I know someone who used it with brain cancer. Unfortunately it was too far along. From diagnosis to death it was only a matter of 5 weeks, but had they caught it sooner the family was convinced it would have worked. Pain went away and there were some marked improvements, just not enough, though it may have prolonged the time he had. Even with conventional treatments I have a friend living with only half of one lung (no second lung) and he’s been a cancer survivor more than 5 years now. And my husband was given a 50/50 chance of surviving 5 years after having a huge melanoma taken out. That was over 30 years ago. So DO NOT give up hope!! Here’s the link: http://medicalcannabisreport.com/woman-rids-body-of-cancer-in-4-months-using-cannabis-oil/. There are a number of other promising alternative treatments under research, but this has been the most successful. I do have some of the other links as well, if you’re interested, just inbox me. One involves making antibodies to fight the cancer, and some work better on some types of cancer than others, but I’m not sure which links I saved.

Vicki, your message was beautiful! But let speak to alcoholism as well and hopefully give you some hope. I’m sure your situation isn’t as bleak as his one. You spoke of your child recovering from alcoholism. I know how difficult that is, both on her and you. My ex-husband was a chronic alcoholic; it’s part of what eventually tore us apart. My ex barely made an effort to recover when we were together. I eventually became afraid for my son and convinced him to leave me - if I’d left, I wouldn’t have survived it and if I’d disappeared, he told me he’d kill my parents. There was no doubt in my mind he would have too. I’d seen him exact revenge on others... He managed to get off the alcohol for 2 days once, and a second time he stole my rings and the antique coins I was keeping for my son, so that he could get drunk before checking in to rehab. When he sobred up, he checked back out. Once we separated, his wealthy parents invested in trying to cure his alcoholism several times. He would be sober for months before he backslid. It’s an addiction, and even the best programs were unable to keep him sober, so ingrained was his desire to drink. I watched my son suffer as he called, drunk, and verbally abused him. It broke my heart, along with my son’s and even his parents (of course their son was not to blame, everything was my fault!). One weekend his father was to drive him down to pick up my son for the weekend, his father found him drunk. (He rented one of the four apartments their home had been divided into.). When his father rebuked him, he found himself on the wrong end of a stream of abuse. Eventually, the alcoholism killed him. When he failed to appear at his psychiatrist’s appointment, they called and when they got no answer at his apartment, they called his parents. His father found him dead just outside his apartment door, in a pool of beer. One of the three bottles of beer in his backpack had broken - those three beers had been what he felt he needed to get to the apointment and back. He needed either a case of beer or at least a 40 oz bottle of alcohol to get him through the day. I know you say your daughter has slipped a few times and it broke your heart. Think of the thing you love to do most in the world, then imagine never being able to do it ever again. An alcoholic often will think that just one or two drinks will be okay, but then they find they can’t stop. Your daughter is likely as ashamed of her slip-ups as you are hurt, even if she doesn’t admit it. If she’s not, she hadn’t hit rock bottom yet and it may still take time. But as long as she’s making the effort, there’s hope! Very few cases are as pathetically extreme as my ex’s. LOL. He even faxed a death threat to my lawyer while fighting me for custody. Needless to say, the judge didn’t even consider it.

I know some of what I’ve said may sound more like discouragement than encouragement, but the message isn’t meant to. It’s all meant to extend hope. I’ve heard it said that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. If that’s true, I’ve often wished he didn’t think I could handle so much!! I’ve only given you the tip of my iceberg here. I love playing Seeker’s Notes because I can immerse myself in it and let RL go away for a while. Big hugs to you all!! You all manage to make my days brighter!!

Thanks so much,

Mistress Kat