Thread:Chrisiow/@comment-35315474-20180520225832/@comment-35315474-20180521002445

Thank you for opening up, as well. I can better see the frustration you face, especially with the apparent hypocrisy thrown your way when others try to tell you to not be overly sensitive and take things the wrong way while they are being overly sensitive and taking your words the wrong way! It's like you can't win!

I think a lot of the problem is with communicating through typed words without the benefit of facial expressions and body language to help us better understand how things are intended. The very same words can often be taken in completely different ways, depending on the person's nonverbal language.

I have to admit it took me some time to figure out the problem I was having. Then like a lightbulb, I realized that you had unknowingly and unintentionally triggered my issues about work. I also think I reacted badly is because I know I should be studying more and playing the game less so I am carrying a lot of guilt within myself. All these things are my issues. They just happened to spill out onto you when you brought up the subject of work.

I think another part of the problem is that it's very difficult for any of us to look inside ourselves to figure out why we are having a certain reaction instead of blaming the other person. After all (using generic you and I, not meaning either of us personally), most people think to themselves, "I wouldn't feel this way if you hadn't said that. I am only reacting to you." But that's not true. We are all responsible for our own feelings. No one can make us feel any specific way. What's happening is when we read words in a screen (or talk to someone), we have to interpret their meaning. And that interpretation comes from our own personal pasts. So when we feel anything negative, it has more to do with our own selves than the other person. It just does not feel that way!

It's also hard to avoid saying, "you did this... you did that... it's your fault... if you only did this... if you didn't do that..." and on and on. All that does is put the other person in a defensive position, and it does nothing to resolve the actual problem. We cannot control another person; we can only control our own selves. We can only control our response to what others say and do.

I've had to go through many years of therapy and education to be able to grasp that concept, and yet, it's still not immediately intuitive. It still feels as if my feelings are caused by other people. It sometimes takes me some time to figure out what's bothering me and then be able to put into words.

As I am always an optimist, I do see something positive in all of this. When we open up like this, we can begin to understand each other much better and become closer friends as a result. I had no idea what you were experiencing on here. I did not know you had others trying to tell you what to say and how to react. With all that going on, of course you'd be sensitive! At the same time, as you already figured out, they mean well. They are not saying you are hopeless and should go away.

I guess the best way to handle it all is to focus on the intentions behind the words instead of focusing on the words themselves.

I truly do thank you for opening up so I could see things through your eyes. That helps me better understand. And now I don't feel negative about you. Instead, I feel closer, like I understand what it's like for you on here. I now see you in a different light. Thank you for taking the time to discuss all this with me. You have really helped. 💖💞💕💕