Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-35243530-20181221182914/@comment-35395864-20181222153328

Well, you know, I was gonna get that fire going, until I looked at my birthday suit self in the mirror. I started body shaming myself for the 4 pounds I’ve gained over the holidays and the curve called “Snickers Bars on the Run”. I threw on my robe, and went downstairs for a drink. Being in a pissy mood, my teenage son asked me why I was so salty. I said it was because he still hadn’t changed the pee pads upstairs (i.e., dog training pads). Truth was, I was worried that if someone saw me dancing naked around a fire on the full moon, took a picture, and posted it online, I might break the Internet. Only it would be for NOT being able to slay like (insert your checkmark choice here: Kim Kardashian / Beyoncé / Kylie Jenner / Ariana Grande / Cardi B).

Being the holidays, I don’t have the time to clap back and throw shade at all the trolls. So yeah, I just did the normal 47-year-old woman thing and put on my headphones, pulled up the next true crime serial killer podcast story, and went to bed. 🎄