Thread:Angelica526/@comment-44680058-20191230002323/@comment-44123106-20200115031916

Huge hugs Angelica. I know how much I hurt when my Dad died; I can't imagine losing two close relatives inside a week.

Don't beat yourself up about keeping his stuff. Dad died nearly 4 years ago and my Mum still has lots of his things. Some of her friends who lost their husbands before and after my Dad died cleared their houses almost immediately and told my Mum she should do the same. I have regularly reassured her that the speed at which she clears, gifts, throws and sells things is absolutely correct - just as what her friends did was also correct: different folks, different strokes.

Maybe a first step is asking yourself if your Dad would want you just to look at his stuff, or to use it, or move it on as best suits you? Don't do a wholesale clear - you may let go things that are dear to you. Is there a friend or relative who could be with you when you start? Someone who understands that tackling this isn't about the stuff, it's about the memories, and the grief, and the regrets? A declutter technique I read is to take photos of things, so that you can access the memories but don't have to house the item. Categorising things also helps: definite binable items, items to gift to friends, family or charity, definite keepers and a "decide later" pile.

If it helps, we could exchange emails, and I can hold your hand virtually...post email address, then delete post. Only Mott and I will see the email alert.

Sorry if this post is a bit machine gun...0311 here and I must get some sleep...long day tomorrow. Also, I'm a problem solving engineer, and rather male in my need to find solutions for people, rather than just walking alongside them...

Whatever you decide, when/if you want to move the game, start a thread asking for advice, then you'll know all the things to ask MT before and during a move.

More bear hugs...I have an inexhaustable supply!!!